On Parole for Good Behavior

Oh uterus, you are doing great. Despite my having overheard my perinatologist tell the ultrasound tech in the hallway, “Oh yes, Molly. The one with the pretty baby and the ugly uterus,” (true story), I appreciate all of the hard work you’ve put in over the past 5 months. True, you are not normally shaped. True, you tip too far backwards. True, you are entirely obscuring my cervix. And true, you made it necessary for me to STICK A TUBE UP MY PEEHOLE. But overall? I am very pleased with your performance.

For today, you see, I am 23! weeks! pregnant! How about THAT? And, all in all, things are going remarkably well. No contractions, cervix may or may not be long and closed (more on that in a minute), Hot Baby keeps growing as she should, and I am still working full-time and enjoying all of the finer things in life, such as funnel cake at the Gonzales Jambalaya Festival (where I have never in my life seen so many people missing teeth and limbs).  And, since the great urinary backup of May 2010, I have had no peeing problems whatsoever.

My second perinatologist appointment was Tuesday, and was highly informative (as opposed to my OB appointments, which are pretty much useless. I mostly go to them to be weighed and hear Hot Baby’s heartbeat).  She is measuring about a week behind, which I am assured is entirely normal – “You’re most likely growing a six-pounder, not an eight-pounder”* – and weighs about 15 oz. now.  I myself was a small baby, 6 lb. 9 oz. even though I was 8 days overdue, so this makes sense.  It is also all the more reason for her to stay inside as long as possible.

And, at this point, the perinatologist has no reason to think she’ll make an appearance anytime soon. I have maybe one or two Braxton Hicks contractions a week, but that’s it. She kicks regularly, her heartbeat is great, and my weight gain and blood pressure are all normal. Trying to get my cervical measurement, however, is like searching for unicorns in a gumdrop forest. Ultrasound tech: “Umm, I measured something here, and it looks about 5.3 cm.” Perinatologist: “Well, it does look canal-like, so maybe that’s her cervix.” If it was indeed my cervix they located, 5.3 cm is an awesome length. The bottom of it is still facing the front of my body, so he couldn’t tell whether it was opening or not, but he has no reason to think it is.

I have a theory, entirely unsubstantiated by modern science, that having such a bizarrely twisted cervix may actually be a good thing. Without pressure on the top of my cervix, there’s less chance of shortening and opening. As it is, my uterus kind of sits on the side of my cervix. Again, this may or may not be true, but I’m running with it right now.

The perinatologist’s goal right now is at least 28 weeks. I think we can do it.

I go back on June 22^nd for another check before I am scheduled to fly to Kansas City for a 48-hour whirlwind trip. Brad’s brother will be home on furlough from Afghanistan, so the whole crew is meeting for a big barbecue. The perinatologist was heartened to hear that Kansas City has a Level IV NICU, just in case.

And now a few pictures for your viewing pleasure (beware, belly shot ahead):

Hot baby, simmering away.

Joining the sisterhood.

Me, 22 weeks.

*Digression: Whenever I think of “six-pounder,” I think of Taco Johns’s Six Pack and a Pound, and I curse the day I moved to a state with NO TACO JOHN’S LOCATIONS. There is a long-standing debate amongst my husband’s family over which is superior, Taco Bell or Taco John’s, and I am on Team Taco John’s all the way. Interestingly, Brad’s dad works for the company that makes the taco meat for both Taco John’s and Taco Bell, and tells us that Taco John’s uses slightly better quality meat. So there. Also? We get free taco meat at every family gathering thanks to Brad’s dad. Score!

Advertisement